Tonight feels heavier than we expected.

Suitcases are sitting by the door. Alarms are set for 4:00 AM. The house is quiet, but our hearts are not. We tucked the boys into bed and tried to steady our voices while we prayed with them. They asked if they could come with us. They asked why they couldn’t just sleep in our room tonight. They asked if we would be okay. We told them yes, but the truth is that we don’t feel okay.

Saying goodnight felt like saying goodbye, even though it isn’t. It is just a week. Maybe a little longer. But tonight it feels like forever.

There are moments when we feel like we are supposed to be strong. Like we are supposed to handle all of this with peace and confidence. We want to. We really do. But tonight we feel tired. We feel overwhelmed. We feel afraid. We feel like our hearts are being stretched in every direction at once. Leaving them tomorrow morning to fly to Baltimore for the surgery is going to take a kind of courage we do not feel like we have.

Yet we keep coming back to this.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18

We do not have to pretend. God is close to us even when our strength feels gone. We are allowed to feel the hurt and still trust Him at the same time. We are allowed to be parents who cry. We are allowed to not have the right words. We are allowed to lean on the people God has placed around us.

To everyone who has reached out, prayed, brought meals, donated, checked in, or simply reminded us that we are not walking this alone, thank you. We feel it. We really do. Your encouragement has held us up on days when we have felt like collapsing.

We will share updates each day on the Living Valor page while we are in Baltimore. We may record a few video updates as well, because sometimes it is easier to talk than to type. Our hope is to let people walk this journey with us instead of trying to carry it alone.

Thank you for being here.
Thank you for loving our family.
Thank you for standing with Emma.